Spring weather has once again caused a population explosion among the bicycle set.  About the time the cherry blossoms pop in the District I am reminded why this aspect of city living drives me to contemplate doing evil to these peddling pests.

First, sidewalks are for walking.  No one beyond the age of 10 — 12 tops — has any business riding a bike on the sidewalks.  Put it in the street where it belongs.

Second, traffic laws are applicable to all vehicles, not just motorized vehicles.  If you’re in the street your bikes have the same obligation my Saturn has to stop at stop signs and red lights, to yield to on-coming traffic, and to not go the wrong way on one-way streets. 

Third, what happened to the hand signals that I was taught to use when I was like, what, five?  If you want to make a left or right turn signal it.  More importantly, wait your turn!

Finally, if I’m attempting to make a right-hand turn then passing me on my right is inadvisable, even though many of you insist on doing it.  One day one of you is going to make yourself a candidate for a Darwin Award.

I find much of the governance of this city incredibly incompetent.  While I have thought that jaywalking was the least enforced law on DC’s books, I am reconsidering it.  These bicyclists think they own the road, which judging by the enforcement of traffic laws is apparently true.

One day, while circling the block on my twice-weekly parking excursions, I’d love to see a police cruiser come up on one of these arrogant bicyclists with lights flashing and siren screaming and issue them one whopper of a moving violation.  Better yet privitize this practice as so much other city business has been and let me do it.  You won’t find anyone more motivated than me to fill the city’s coffers with ticket revenue.